Is Debt Affecting Your Relationship?

12-Mar-2010

It seems as though the old adage that 'a problem shared is a problem halved' does not necessarily apply to financial worries.  Research carried out by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) showed that 74% of British couples find money the hardest subject to talk about with their partners.  So why do we find it so hard to discuss our cash concerns with the ones we love?

 Many people in relationships find that broaching the subject of money with their partner ends up causing conflicts.  In fact, 27% of couples surveyed for the FSA's research admitted to regularly arguing when trying to discuss their finances.  However considering that 35% of British couples are apparently kept awake at night through worrying about their money situation, it's clear that communication must improve.

There are a number of reasons why money is be a tricky subject to tackle.  The first is that our finances are typically seen as quite a personal matter, not often discussed with friends or family, and extremely rarely with colleagues.  Since we're not used to discussing money, this reticence can carry through into all but the most open of relationships.  Seeking help when we find ourselves in financial difficulty can therefore seem embarrassing, and as if we are crossing over into forbidden social territory.

How we manage our finances when in a relationship can also have a profound effect on the relationship itself.  The joint bank account is often perceived as a serious commitment, and therefore many couples put this off until they are actually living together or have been together a number of years.  Other couples choose to have a joint account for rent and household bill payments only, keeping the bulk of their earnings separate.  

This means that unless you have taken the plunge and completely pooled your resources, your finances remain the one thing in your life that you are not sharing with someone else.  The most compatible of couples can find that they have different attitudes towards spending, and research from AXA has found that as many as 24% of UK adults are hiding some form of credit (such as overdrafts, credit cards or store cards) from their partner. Feeling the need to justify any impulse buys and less-than-sensible credit card binges to a partner can lead to defensiveness, lying and secrecy.

Another common cause of domestic conflict is the stigma that is still attached to debt.  If you are struggling to pay back the interest on credit cards and other loans, or if you are regularly spending more than you're earning, this can quickly become the 'elephant in the corner' in a relationship.  In this context, telling a partner that you cannot cope is often seen as an admission of failure, rather than a sensible step towards facing up to and eventually resolving the issue.
 
If you're feeling that money is negatively affecting your relationship with your partner, you're certainly not alone.  However, the issues are not going to go away on their own, so the first step is to open up and start communicating.  Plan a time to talk, and try to keep the discussion calm.  Hopefully together you will be able to work out a solution to the issue and decide whether seeking professional debt help is necessary. 

Don't let money worries build up, and don't deal with them alone.  If you would like to speak to a professional adviser, simply fill out our short debt form and a debt adviser from the SimplyFinance network will call you back to discuss your options.